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11 April 2011

5 short stories about clapping


1. I remember a story someone told me once about an appearance Bono made at some big event, where he walked on stage and was slowly clapping, and said “Every time I clap, a child in Africa dies.” and some drunk guy yelled back “STOP CLAPPING.”

2. When I was in primary school we had a school band playing during an assembly and a girl started clapping to the beat and one of the teachers was some fucking nutcase and yelled at her and sent her out of the assembly crying.

3. Whenever I clap at the wrong moment I always do that awkward thing where I pretend I was trying to catch a mosquito or something. I did that once during a speech in a lecture but we were indoors so it was pretty obvious.

4. When I was in year 8 someone told me what was “the clap” was, because prior to that it was just a song by a band called The Unicorns.

5. These stories gradually got less funny. This has nothing to with clapping but I’m genuinely as angry as you are about this. You should send a complaint or something.


– Lonely Kids Club

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