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20 April 2011

21st Speech


I had to do a 21st speech for my friend Nick the other night, and I had no idea what to say so I opened with this:

“A few years ago I was dating this girl, and one time we were fooling around in bed and Nick tried calling me, so I declined his call and he went on to call me about 6 more times, most likely knowing what was going on but doing it to be a dick anyway. When nick calls a photo comes up of his face with a giant grin on it. Anyway things were getting pretty intimate and by this point I had the phone in my hand because his constant calls were becoming quite a distraction. Why I didn’t just turn off my phone is anyone’s guess. Multi-tasking was never my forte. Anyway I was reaching the point where I was about to climax and he called at that exact moment so I ended up orgasming while staring directly at his grinning face. So I’ve sort of had sex with Nick.”

..It’s never a good idea to get me to do a speech at events.


– Lonely Kids Club

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