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10 November 2014

Cinema Make Outs


Oh man I went to see Fury the other night with my friends Fergal and Hugh and this woman sat down next to me with her boyfriend and as the movie started they jumped straight into making out. In their defence who goes to see a movie about the senseless death of a tragic world war without the intention of making out and potentially getting a wristy. Actually who am I to talk I legit got a hand-job in the Garfield movie in year 9. But I was like 15. And nothing is sexier than Bill Murray’s voice.

Anyway I let them have their sneaky pre-movie make out but then 10 minutes later they jumped into it again and this time got SUPER into it if you know what I mean. So I turned to Fergal and said pretty loudly “This couple next to me is getting frisky as FUCK over here” and they immediately stopped. Sweet. I thought that was game over but then 10 minutes later they started again so I said (this time loud enough for Hugh as well) “Time for some sneaky off-camera romantic action” and this time they thought fuck it and carried on.

The on-screen explosion which had a man burning to death and shooting himself in the head to relieve the pain was just the vibe they were craving to get downnnn. So I decided to amp things up and I slowly moved my hand over the shared armrest so it covered her hand. As soon as she realised it wasn’t her mate's hand she freaked out and they didn’t do anything past PG for the rest of the movie.

Alas, I went to see fury but all I saw was sexual frustration.


– Lonely Kids Club

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