OCD

 

Oh man my OCD things are starting to get out of control. I get this weird compulsion to rub my chin against my shoulder sometimes and I just look like some fucking weirdo if I’m on a train near kids or something. I don’t know why I felt the need to bring kids up just then. Anyway my other habits usually involve things that only go on in my head, like constructing these weird pyramids out of lines around corners and shapes, so I’m pretty good at looking totally sane in any situation, and not some chin rubbing weirdo. It’s cool though I’m focusing on it so I’m getting better. I think I got it all from my mum. My mum is OCD as fuck. She can only get things in twos, and has to touch all wood everywhere all the time and compulsively buys things like watches. I think she’s bought like 80 watches. But she still arrives late to any given occasion. She’s so kooky.

Anyway I went to a this prestigious high school I somehow got into, and I remember going to an entrance interview, and my mum got up and started wondering around the room touching all the wooden things while I was discussing Roald Dahl’s biography with the principle (The only book I had properly read by that point). I think it worked to my advantage though because he saw her, then saw me, and must have thought fuck okay this dude must have his shit together to deal with this because he chose me to get into the school and what a cracking decision he made. I went on to fail 5 out of the 7 exams we had to do in year 7. Who would have thought my limited knowledge of Roald Dahl wouldn’t get me over the line. Not this guy.

 

– Lonely Kids Club