I hate sports. Anything that forces me to use any sort of coordination or athleticism brings back terrifying memories. I couldn’t even summersault when I was in primary school. To avoid having to, I told everyone the gym teacher made us do it because he was some sort of pedophile. Unfortunately, this strategy couldn’t work on my dad, who forced me to start playing soccer when I was five. For eight years. Urgh. My highlight was when it was raining and I heard those magic words “Looks like you won’t be playing today” and I could go back to playing video games and ignoring other children. In the eight years I had to play soccer, I never got past my fear of the ball when it was moving. Thing was like the size of my head. So for eight years I ran up and down the field like a puppy chasing people but never actually doing anything. Other parents must have been so confused. Anyway the point is sport sucks. One of the highlights of growing up is there’s less potential for balls to come flying at your face. I guess that really depends on the person though.
Someone asked me the other night why I don’t really grow my beard out anymore, because I used to do it pretty frequently. I was actually walking back from the gym one night a few months back wearing trackies, a hoodie etc, and I had my beard at its peak of growth. Along with this whole thing I also had my hair all out everywhere but anyway I was walking back and this woman and her child were walking towards me. When the women saw me, she grabbed her child, and forced her across the road with her. I think at the time I just laughed it off because theyre going out of their way to avoid someone who can barely win a fight against a huntsman without screaming and hiding behind a door, but holy shit that it actually happened hey. I think that was the point I accepted that I’m officially not white. Well shit. I don’t know if I can order taxis at night anymore or listen to Smooth FM and get away with it. Dammit my life is falling apart already.
– Lonely Kids Club
Yeah so New York is pretty far away. I had to have a 8 hour flight, followed by another 16 hour flight to get there and then the same to get back. On the way over I was buzzed as fuck and went on a huge adventure during my stopover in Hong Kong, but I was so sick / overtired / jet-lagged on the way back I just sort of lost my shit halfway through the flight back from hong kong. Unfortunately this all went down while I was watching Thor. He got his power back and learned the importance of friendship or whatever Disney shit was going on (#spoiler) and I just sort of started crying and the middle aged Asian man next to me didn’t know what to do so he just started patting my back aggressively. This later turned into stroking. It got weird.
He didn’t speak English but we bonded earlier when I saw him stretching in the aisles and joined in. We must have looked like the strangest couple ever. Anyway so I had that whole situation going on then the flight attendant came to give my my food which comes earlier cos I ordered Kosher meals just for shits and giggles. So she came to this ridiculous situation in which I was in tears while watching Thor and this Asian man was stroking my back. I’ve never seen a flight attendant more awkward in my life and I’ve seen other passengers hit on them before. I ranked more awks than getting hit on. Urgh.
I think it runs in the family because back in the day I went to see the remake of freaky fridays with my mum and in her classic style she fell asleep 20 minutes into the movie and woke up at the end during the final scene where Jamie Lee Curtis was talking about how hard it is being Linday Lohan and then started full-on crying. I was like mum you didn’t even watch the fucking movie why are you crying and she was like “ITS SO HARD BEING SOMEONE ELSE ITS VERY EMOTIONAL” so turns out I take after my mother in more ways than just having her coordination and athletic ability. Yep. Good to be back.
Next time I’ll actually talk about new york I swear.
– Lonely Kids Club
No drawing by Angie because in my classic style I just wrote this all on the spot . Soz.
So I have a pretty hectic story I never told you guys from my travels to South East Asia earlier in the year. I got so fucked up on a night out with some British dudes I met at my hostel in Bangkok, I ended up blacking out in a dodgy hotel room while a girl was making some vague attempt at going down on me (probably not the rousing response she was hoping for at the time) who proceeded to then put me in a Taxi afterwards to get back to my hostel. I’m semi-confident that’s not even the worst response I’ve ever given in such a situation. If braces are involved that can end badly. Anyway I got back at 6AM and the British dudes were still up, because while I was gone they scored some weed but got busted smoking a joint by one of the guys who worked at the hostel and had to flush it all down the toilet before the cops came and then proceeded to point the finger at other people until the police eventually went away. It didn’t even end there. Two weeks later while in Laos a girl came up to me on a bus and said she met me in Bangkok and that I was this crazy dude dancing on tables. I had no fucking idea who she was. Most of the night is still a blur. While in Bangkok I guess.
Also I just realised my dad is going to read this, and he’s actually on a holiday right now. Hope your one isn’t quite so hectic, dad. Also don’t worry, I paid for the taxi afterwards like a champ. Your values are clearly inherent within me.
Double Also, this is the last blog post for the year. I’m heading to Falls later this week but as soon as I get back I’m dropping some hectic new gear including the new Summer Packs. They’re gonna be good
this next year too.
Look how effortlessly I transition from talking about my (almost) sex-life to business talk. I’m so goddamn professional.
– Lonely Kids Club
Picture by Angie:
So there’s this new social media app called Circles where you post news stories in your area and other people in the area can see them and respond to them or like them or whatever. I think the idea is you can post spontaneous events youre doing and people can see them and get involved. But it’s fucking dead. To test the waters, I made a post saying “Just banged my girlfriend” and it got all these likes from random people and some dude congratulated me and winked. Well don’t I feel validated. I categorised it as “sport” because I think that’s about as close as I get to exercise at this point. Meanwhile the CEO sent me a message asking for suggestions so I told him he should change the app to ‘triangles’. Then I sent him a follow up email telling him he should definitely change it to ‘triangles’ because that’s acute idea. There should be a social media app called dadjokes where people post up dad jokes as they happen and people can rank them or view random ones etc and it can cheer everyone up. Then there should be another app called jewfro which links to the hashtag #jewfro on instagram which is just photo after photo of chubby jewish men with crazy hair. It’s literally what I look at when I’m feeling sad. Try it out.
Also hey I know I listed today as the last possible day to have custom made stuff ready for xmas, but if you place your order it in the next day or two we should be able to have it all ready for you so if anyone is keen on snapping something up in time, like a jacket etc please order soon to avoid disappointment. Also remember the code “xmas” gets you $20 off any order of $100 or moar. It’s pretty cray.
– Lonely Kids Club
Picture by Angie:
Man we were playing charades the other day, and the word was “sex” which someone was acting out for our friend and she was thrusting and getting really into it and my friend just had no idea so eventually nick was like “It’s something you haven’t gotten in ages” and our friend said “sex” straight away almost instinctively. I don’t know why that was on my mind, but speaking of things people haven’t gotten in awhile, I know all the shorts are completely unavailable / sold out and everyone needs their fix, so I’m bringing back Summer Sundays again this Sunday featuring shorts, it’ll be every Sunday night at 8PM and each pair of shorts will only be available for 24 hours as either regular shorts, high waisted shorts or a skirt. It’s gonna be killer. Limited amounts available of each one. Also my launch party is this Friday night at OAF Gallery Bar at 8PM. It’s free entry, has a mammoth line-up of electronic artists / producers, and Max and I are gonna set up a pop-up store again in the glass cube to sell tees & shirts. Probably just the pre-made stuff though, everything else is custom made on order for whoever orders the item specifically. Anyway yeah it’s going to be a great night so you should all come. I don’t actually make any money from the events, all the money goes straight back to artists. I just do them to give smaller artists a chance to play to a crowded room which can be hard for them because the scene is run by bigger agencies a lot of the time who have a monopoly on pulling supports for bigger acts, etc. So come be a part of the crowd and check it all out. HOPEFULLY I can actually go on in the next Winter Launch next year and play too cos I’ve been jamming every monday with a couple friends under the name Tiger Raves. Wassup.
– Lonely Kids Club
I just wrote this up on the spot again but I’ll see if I can get Angie to do up a drawing sooooon. In the meantime longtime label fan Laura was in hospital so asked for a T-Rex drawing to cheer her up so I drew this up for her. It’s super munted but get well soon Laura ^_^
Shit you guys I’ve now made 123 blog posts- how exciting is that. Do you guys ever go back to the ones from like 2 years ago back when I was funny or the ones where I would start shit with people? I had my ex girlfriend yelling at me on FB chat over one of them back then. Legit. This was back when no one really read these things though. Also holy shit I’m no longer a university student. I remember the exact moment I dropped out of my construction degree and everyone was like “well fuck m8 you’ve fucked it up now” (All my friends at the time were inexplicably bogan) one time I woke up to my mum on the phone saying “Oh yeah, same. Yeah mine’s just a fucking failure. Just dropped out.” I was like “MORNING MUM!” Oh those were the days. Anyway speaking of failing you guys like REALLY like cat shorts. An unprecedented amount of orders have come through. I’m on a wholesale fabric account and everything and they can’t keep up either. So there might be a bit of a delay on them but hopefully the first batch are being sent out this week and the second batch next week. Then I’ll be able to make up a whole amount in advance and there won’t be any further delays which would be good. Also I didn’t realise how into high waisted animal shorts everyone is – Is anyone down for high waisted dog shorts? Cos you guys know if you want them I’ll make them for you. Just give me a holla. Also last thing – I’m dropping a promo video from the photoshoot tomorrow night at 8PM. It’s a bit of a joke thang with lots of fun dance footage of yours truly, miki, and our super talented photographer jocelyn. It’s pretty funny. I’m topless in a few shots. Just so you all know.
– Lonely Kids Club
No drawing by Angie cos I wrote this all up in like 5 minutes (as you can probably tell) but here’s a sneakpeak photo from the promo video tomorrow:
Sometimes if I’m out and drunk I’ll just fuck with people to see what I can get away with. Generally if they’re any fun it’ll turn into comical banter. But apparently not always. So I saw a girl I’ve met before / know via a friend the other night and said hello and asked if she remembered me, and she said no. Fair enough. So I did the obvious thing to do in that situation and apologised about my shattered emotions that were clearly spilled all over the floor as a result and explained that I might need to be right back while I help the staff clean it all up. She just stared blankly so I thought fuck it and amped it up again by telling her how I have a shrine to her in my room where I’m slowly creating a statue of her out of her left over chewing gum. Evidently she never watched Hey Arnold growing up because she just continued staring with the same blank expression on her face and it went on that vein for a while. Unfortunately for her Nick was with me so he chimed in saying I should grab a strand of her hair for my latest voodoo doll so we finished the conversation by me aplogising for that leg pain she would probably be feeling soon. I told her I was just going through some things. She didn’t show much understanding. Funnily enough we weren’t even invited to this event. Sometimes I need to remind myself that Tinder and real life are different things.
Speaking of which, there ended up being quite a few Tinder screenshots from the last blog post, but before I post any ordinary ones, my friend Corwen took it upon herself to send the line, including the “warwick” at the end to quite a few guys, with some pretty hilarious results, here are some of the best:
She could have most likely sent ANYTHING to this dude and gotten this response. Still, I'm taking this as a victory
Totally sexist that he assumed she was only trying to meet men, but it's nice that he complimented the line.
He jut had to know the answer
Also here’s one of the cases where it ACTUALLY worked just so you know I’m not making it up:
He totally got that potassium thing from Ron Swanson.
Urgh I totally fucked up the sizing on those photos but it’s okay because this is all going offline tomorrow to set up the new site. True story.
– Lonely Kids Club
My friend went to meet up with a dude she met on Tinder the other day at a bar, and he was there with another girl. She just assumed that was an old friend to ease tension etc. So they were all talking and chilling and the dude went to the bathroom and she asked how the other girl knew this guy. She said she just met on Tinder and it was their first date. So my friend was like holy shit this is my first date with this guy from Tinder too & they both got up and left while he was in the bathroom. Snap. If I was still on Tinder I would start all my conversations by saying “What are big hairy polar bears good for? Breaking the ice. Hi I’m Warwick.” Or, if we’re upping the ante on the intelligence front, “What are the long term consequences of global warming? Breaking the ice. Hi I’m Warwick.” If someone can please try these, screenshot them and send them to me, I’ll throw them on the blog next week. Do it. But don’t say you’re Warwick at the end unless it’s your name. That could be weird.
Now without further adieu I present to you the first piece from the next range; A 100% handmade custom varsity jacket. It’s red and white and matched with light grey ribbing for the collars and sleeves. Perfect for dressing up on summer nights out. The material is all 100% wool felt and each one is made on order & made to last. Also it looks fucking sexy. Pineapple not included.
– Lonely Kids Club
I remember before my final year 12 biology examination (we call it the HSC) my friend Nick and I snuck out and saw a band play, and then the singer lectured us about how we should have been at home studying. I think when it gets to the point that a singer has to lecture you about not working hard enough that you have a problem. Actually while I’m confessing shit I had this terrible habit of doing no work before any of my exams, and instead doing weird things like making songs on my guitar, playing on my Gameboy advance and leaving notes for myself, like “Dear Warwick, sorry you failed your exam. I just can’t be fucked. Regards, Warwick.” And such. One time, it got so bad that it was 4AM the morning of my trial exam and I hadn’t started yet, so I thought fuck it and went to my doctor and asked for a medical certificate instead. It was fine. Also for the record I lost most of my poorly recorded songs on my old computer but I played three gigs under the name The Rhinoriffic Meowosaurus with my guitar, Gary.
– Lonely Kids Club
Super arty scribble by Angie: