Mastercock

 

Those judges on Masterchef are so obnoxious when they’re sussing out food and I think the secret is just that they breathe in heavily through their nose while they’re trying the food. It instantly makes you seem snobby if you also leave your mouth lingering and curl your lips a bit. Try it. I’m not even joking. Then if you talk in a British accent and say “mmmm” before and after sentences sporting the “not bad” face and wear a cravat then you’re done. There. I’ve made you all Masterchef judges. Now run free and judge your friend’s food at your upcoming events and parties and social gatherings. I wonder if those dudes stay in character and act like that all the time. Like can you imagine you obese one having sex. Just completely naked but with his cravat. Panting solely though his nose. Complimenting the rare notes and fruity elements of each position and giving it a final score of 4. Sorry I don’t even know what I’m on about. I’m so fucking jet-lagged I need to go to bed. If someone makes that into a porno I want a cut though. I don’t know what the porn title would be tbh. Mastercock?

 

– Lonely Kids Club