ASMR

 

I’m really into ASMR which is this thing where sounds or people talking quietly makes you feel all tingly and nice. I never watched Youtube videos of it or anything, I just did this naturally for years before I realised what it was. I had an epiphany about it the other day. Sometimes, when people are talking quietly, I’ll slowly lift up an object like a ruler or pen and start rubbing it up and down my back or arm. Even worse, I won’t even mention it to whoever I’m talking to, I’ll just start rubbing weird objects against myself throughout the conversation in the most nonchalant way possible. No one has ever noticed or said anything but I’ll just call a space of spaces that I’m a weirdo. It started at a young age. I think I was one of those kids in preschool who would rub themselves against random objects like corners of tables until uncomfortable teachers yelled “oi!” at us. so like, this is who I am. I’m okay with it.

– Warwick

Xmas Shopping

Xmas shopping is so brutal man. There’s giant lines, you’re buying things for other people rather than yourself (I’m a grub so dislike this concept) and worst of all they play those christmas songs on rotation which is the fucking worst. They could have audio of a man saying “buy stuff” on loop and it’d be preferable to me. I actually worked in retail during christmas once and it was the absolute worst. I don’t think I made it through the entire Christmas period. I got fired a lot. Anyway this is why this year I decided to try help people avoid this as much as possible by setting up  Xmas Picks section which has stuff we can mail out in time for Christmas to have present giving sorted. We could probably create a more natural retail experience by having christmas music auto-play on the site like a Myspace profile in 2006 (mine has been deleted and I’m so upset about this) but maybe we can set up that functionality next year. Also, if you’re super lazy about the whole thing, we set up secret santa packs in the Stocking Fillers section that have a new option to have us remove the price and you can write a message to your recipient. So they’ll just receive the present and you’re done. Now that’s Xmas shopping made easy.

PS It’s weird how Egg Nog doesn’t seem to be a thing here, but we’re all obssessed with pavlova instead. Bloody straya.

– Warwick

Passive Aggressive Drilling

 

I just had the most passive aggressive fight with my neighbours. They kept drilling really loudly into a common wall. It was so loud Louie had his feathers in a huff. I mean fur. Whatever. So I got Louie’s tennis ball and starting bouncing it as loudly as I could on our tiled floor. This caused the drilling to stop. We had three or four rounds of them trying again and then me bouncing the ball again but finally it now seems to have come to an end. I know Tools Down on The Block isn’t until 6PM, but sometimes you gotta break the rules. Louie was completely losing his shit the whole time jumping around everywhere in a frenzy with the ball. He’s sleeping now. I think he was the real winner here.

 

– Warwick

Dog Dump Confrontation

 

I was walking Louie this arvo and as he squatted over to take a dump, this lady walking by just stopped in the middle of the foot path, put her hands on her hips and starts staring down Louie’s asshole. No joke. She looked mad cranky too like she was trying to be intimidating or something so I broke the ice by saying “You can watch my dog take a shit if you like, I don’t mind.” Lmao. Should have tried that one out on Tinder. But yeah as it turns out someone watching my dog try to poop is what sets off my confrontation mode. She got all frumpy and said back “I don’t care about your dog, I’m just sick of treading in it!” All while still staring down Louie’s ass. Luckily Louie wasn’t paying attention or it would have hurt his little feelings, or made him feel insecure about his booty size. I had a poop bag out already though so it was all just a real bizarre situation. She kept angrily staring so I re-affirmed that I was gonna pick it up anyway and it’s so creepy that she’s watching and as I finished picking it up and she finally walked off. Thank god. Part of me feels like I really should have made some remark about me using a bag and her being an old bag. That would have been a total zinger. I hate that I always forget this stuff on the spot. But yeah. Turns out staring down on people’s dogs pooping is a real thing people do. Maybe it’s a fetish and she went home and had the time of her life afterwards. Mental picture of Louie excreting in her head, glass of red on her bedside table and a durry hanging from mouth. If so you’re welcome, overly aggressive poop-obsessed lady.

 

– Warwick

Haircut Small Talk

I was getting my hair cut today and I go to this little barber near my house. The guy who was cutting my hair was talking to me as per usual but we ran out of stuff to say pretty fast. So he kept saying “what else” and after a couple times without thinking I accidentally said out loud “why does there have to be anything else” and then it got a bit awks and he finished the rest of the haircut in silence. It was one of those weird moments where I thought out loud. I felt bad though.

 

–  Warwick

Artwork

 

When I was a kid I used to spend hours on MS Paint just fucking around making these weird artworks. One day my mum saw one and out of nowhere asked me to print it out and sign it then she framed it. That was honestly one of the highlights of my time living at my mum’s house aha.

I think it was one of the first times I felt like my creativity was acknowledged or appreciated on some level even though it was just my somewhat creepy artwork and that was nice. Back then I hadn’t launched the brand yet, and I remember how excited I used to get about the concept of making clothes that people would look at and potentially wear. Now that actually happens. But it’s hard to think about how far the project has come and not just focus on where I need to be and how I’m not there yet.

It’s sort of like swimming to a destination that’s very far away – you only ever focus on where you’re trying to get to which always seems far away but you forget to ever look back and see that you’re actually far away from where you first started. I dunno. Maybe I wanna go swimming again. I stayed at a place with a hot tub once. It was nice until I realised people at the next balcony over were smoking durries and had a clear view of my junk. Live and learn.

Here’s an example of one:

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– Warwick

Road Rage

 

I went on this excursion to meet friends at MCA (My first outing in like three weeks from having gastro) and my gf drove and after a lengthly search we found someone leaving their parking spot. I asked if we could have the spot and she said no worries. So anyway we waited for them and this dude drove up right behind us on this wide road instead of going around us and just left his hand on the beeper going absolutely batshit crazy aggressive with it. It was like that Simpsons scene where George Bush Senior is taking ages to order from Krusty Burger and Homer goes all apeshit beeping on him.

Anyway I kept doing a “just move back signal” with my hand so we can reverse and let this person leave her spot but this dude was still beeping so hard the person in the car trying to leave then opened the door and was yelling at him like “dude what the hell are you doing i need to get out just move back!”

so he then pulls up next so us, switches his car off, and opens the door to get out of his car.

He then looked us in the eyes and put his rude finger up. I could sense trouble was afoot.

So I looked deep and remembered a Brown Cardigan meme about using a thumbs down to show dissatisfaction with another driver. So I looked right at him, lifted my hand and put my thumb down.

He then got back in his car, threw his water bottle at us, but unfortunately lacked the reach so it just landed on his own roof and then he drove off furiously.

It was like the beginning of a Fast and Furious movie. I needed my Vin Diesel for bro support tho.

Father’s Day

 

This is a post I did on Father’s Day which I wanted to put up here because if you’re ever feeling down this is worth a read: 

Happy father’s day everyone. This father’s day my dad said he was proud of me and for the first time I’m (sort of) a father with puppy Louie, so here’s a bit of fatherly advice / a short story for everyone:

When I was younger a lot of people saw me as some sort of dead-shit drop kick when I dropped out of uni, and couldn’t keep a job, relationship or life plan together. In their defence I was pretty useless. I got fired from about 10 different jobs. The fucking Shaver Shop fired me because I thought I fell in love with a girl on the train so got to work late (It’s a blog post somewhere).

One time I woke up to my mum on the phone telling her friend how her son is a failure (I thought she said failr and thats where my producer name came from btw) and another time at a dinner for this jewish festival thing I walked past a table of people who know my parents talking shit about how I’m throwing my life away or whatever so I chimed in and bitched about me too lmao. They had no idea what the hell to say.

I just wanted to give a shout out to anyone going through a rough time, or feeling a bit lost. It’s totally natural and things get so much better if you push on with what you’re trying to achieve / once you work out what you want. Those who look down on you for trying to do something different always end up being the ones who are most supportive when things turn around. I think they’re just scared and pushing that onto you.

Anyway if anyone ever feels that way please reach out to me via the chat app on the page or whatever if you need any guidance. I’m not yr dad but if you’re ever not OK I’m always here. Most of the chats on the site are just life talks I rarely even talk about the products. One time we re-did someone’s cover letter and resume cos he couldn’t get a job. I should see how that worked out.

I’m always very open to the fact that I had a lot of mental health issues which I worked through with a professional and it made things so much better. It’s okay not to feel okay and to seek out help.

Everyone can achieve cool things, even if they don’t feel supported by those around them. As long as you push on with whatever you’re going through you’ll be golden. And if you need to talk to someone, reach out to your local GP to get the ball rolling.

To finish here’s a photo of my papa cecil, and my puppy, Louie. Such QTs.

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Always be you.

<3 warwick

Rejected Interview

 

So this is a 100% real interview I did recently for an online publication that decided to decline my answers. Lmao. I guess they never learned about the wonder of Bunnings.

Anyway enjoy:

Short bio- Any details about the Lonely Kids Club, your career, interest, hobbies, quirks

I’ve had a pretty intense life – I grew up as a small child then developed into a small minded adult and now i fall over all the time so life is really going places for me. Sometimes I just stumble and then act like I never actually fell over and when that happens I think back to when I was just a small child and say to myself “Warwick, you’ve made it”

Favourite shoe store

I used to go the Hype store in Chatswood every week with a Brag magazine and assess the gigs currently playing and try use it as an excuse to lure the girl working there to go with me but she’d never go. That was okay though I just really liked hanging with her. Years later my friend saw her in a new store and asked about me and she said she remembered me / missed me. I was so close to locking her in to one of my own brand parties. Dammit.

Favourite store for t-shirts

Well funny you should ask, this charming little flagship store called Lonely Kids Club just opened at 58 Atchison St in St Leonards as it’s just blowing me away. The boy who works there is so good looking and it offers some cool vibes like creating your own pocket tees and a huge range of T-shirts. Definitely my boy crush.

Favourite store for a unique find

Bunnings. Where do they come up with that stuff.

Favourite accessories store

I bought my sister a necklace from Diva and she hated but then I gave it to my mum and she loved it so I’d say its the best accessories store for mothers based on that singular experience. I dont know what song is playing right now on my headphones but it’s amazing. Oh it’s Tony Castles. Bless.

Favourite coffee shop

Hmm I actually go to so many. Probably Caffe Nostra. It looks ordinary but it’s the most amazing gourmet cafe ever. If you catch them on a quiet moment you have to ask for an omelette it’s actually the best one I’ve ever had but they can’t make it when it’s too busy. Also such a great vibe.

The best place to find a gift

Get drunk and go on eBay and buy a tonne of stuff that you forget about by morning and then distribute them to friends as you see according. Worst case tell them you’re disappointed they didn’t get the personal joke because you put so much thought into it. Nailed it.

Yeah. My bad.

 

–  Lonely Kids Club

Stealing Nokia Phones

 

I used to be really, really into gaming at internet cafes. It was much more fun than studying or playing sports. Anyway one time this super dodgy guy came in and asked me what colour my phone was. I think he just came in and targeted the scrawniest looking dude who could find. That was me. First to get chosen for phone stealing, last to get chosen for touch football. Also can we just take a second to discuss that asking “What’s your colour bro” was literally his phone stealing plan. This wasn’t even iPhone days where you chose silver or black or whatever. We still all had those Nokia bricks. So I was like no I’m not showing you my phone ya weirdo. Was a ballsy move. So he kept pushing me about it and eventually got angry and said “Fine then I’m taking your ball then” and legitimately picked up this little rubber ball I bought from one of those $2 ball dispensing machines off the table and left with it. This was a real thing that happened. Also holy fuck this Nokia phone survived this round but a year later another dude (!!) mugged me on a train and stole it. I got it back after they caught him though. I can’t actually believe how much trouble I had keeping that phone.

 

– Lonely Kids Club