A Shitty Story

 

I woke up and went to take my morning dump and found that my dogs had unrolled an entire roll of toilet paper and then peed all over it. So I tried flushing it down and it got stuck. For whatever reason I decided my next move should then be use the toilet (I just woke up in my defence) so then the toilet was clogged and full of my 💩. Fuck. So instead of leaving it at that, I panicked and kept flushing over and over until the toilet started leaking all over the bathroom floor until I realised I need to stop doing things. Probably should have realised sooner. So I went to Coles and grabbed heavy duty gloves and floor cleaner and scooped everything out, pulled out the toilet roll, disposed of it and then wiped down the floor. Now everything is right with the world again but goddamn I could not have played that situation worse. Ah well. You shit and you learn.

 

– Warwick

What I wear

 

Have you ever wanted to call me up, and ask “Hey.. what are you wearing?” but felt like that could be inappropriate because we don’t know each other and you found my number written inside a bathroom cubicle? Well not to fear! I figure as the collaborative designer of all the clothes, it’d be cool to let you know what I wear day-to-day. As it’s winter, I’ll run you through my winter wardrobe essentials, which prevent me freezing to a cold, cold death.

Assuming I’m wearing my jeans fresh off my floor, along with my sneakers (with orthotics carefully replaced as my dogs chew them when left in the sneakers), I’ll probably start off with whichever socks I can find to warm my cold toesies. I like to roll up my jeans cuffs and let some bright socks pop through, so lately I’ve been rotating pairs of Mario Sloth Socks and Kirby Sloth Socks sometimes I wear one of each because I’m a weirdo. I also love that feel when I lift my leg up over my knee and someone notices and compliments me because it briefly validates my existence.

Next I’ll chuck on a T-shirt. I exclusively wear T-shirts every single day unless I have to go to some formal event where I’ll get in trouble otherwise. Lately I’ve been wearing the 8-Bit Louie Long Sleeve because it’s been crazy cold in Sydney and I have to wake up at like 6AM to walk my puppies or they’ll punish me by peeing and shitting all over my room. So it’s a plus to have a long-sleeve and it’s also softer than the usual tee.

Then we get to the hoodie layer. This one is critical. I have a seamless rotation of the Campus Hoodie, Sloth Head Hoodie, and Girlfriend Hoodie that I’ll rotate between daily because hoodies are the comfiest, snuggest clothing item in existence. Plus when I’m confused or stressed I can lift the hood over my head and pull down the drawstrings, which is weirdly relaxing for some reason. Lastly, the front pouch is convenient to carry my morning sandwich as my other hands will be carrying a leash and/or coffee.

Now it’s time to complete the look. You know i’m all about that black jacket lifestyle. So we do one final layer with the Just Chill Denim Jacket in black or Unique Bleach if I’m wearing black pants and then push the hood back over the collar. It actually looks really well styled together, like you’re some sort of stylish person who blogs about street-wear and gives condescending looks to people on the street. But for real, it’s a really solid look that’s also super warm and versatile. You can strip back the hoodie and everything still looks really nice together, and if you’re going out after work etc you can withstand some super cold days with the combo.

I hope you’ve enjoyed what might be the only ever blog post I make here that’s actually about fashion. It only took 8 years but we got there.

– Warwick

Travis’ 21st Speech

 

Travis, you are now 21. Wow. I still remember those days you were jumping around doing parkour whenever we walked anywhere and I was very close to buying you a leash. That time you jumped off a house in the park was pretty sick tho. I’m so proud of how much you’ve achieved in Architecture, er I mean Business & Innovation. Oh wait sorry I mean your new course in Communications, which I’m sure you’ll love next semester.
 
You’re really becoming an adult. More and more often, I find the toilet flushed when you’re staying over, and the lights turned off in the rooms you’ve used. This truly is a testament to how much you’ve grown in these years. I also no longer fear about leaving T-shirts near you, as in the past you have used them to relieve yourself. You can keep my GRMM shirt.
 
I spent the better part of my life trying my best to be a parent for you. I had a lot of fun with this though. When enrolling you for school or picking you up from things I’d always tell the gossipy parents who stared at me that I was a young father and made up dumb stories which I found very fun. My parent highlight, however, was when you dyed your hair pink and your principal wanted to expel you. So I came marching in, gave this whole spiel about expressing your creativity and you trying to figure out who you are and we left minutes later. We agreed to dye your hair back again. I felt like we were in a goddamn movie tho.
 
Over the years I’ve gotten to see what an amazing person you are, and your core values really solidify. You’ve always believed in me, and I’ve always appreciated that.
 
Thanks for always schlepping over to model for me, listening to all my beats, listening to me talk about LKC every 15 minutes and most of all for being my bro.
 
Because its a 21st speech, here’s a photo of us from last year with our mum and nan x
 
<3 Warwick

Louie

I still find myself thinking about Louie a lot. I’m trying to stay productive through the feels. This has resulted in an increased artwork output of Louie themed designs. Art can be so therapeutic. I’ve been posting a lot of it on FB and Insta lately because it’s nice to share and I don’t think I’ll be using it for any other purpose. I just like it existing.

I think with time my heart is healing but the main thing that gets me now is when I bump into Louie’s old friends around town. Or sometimes my old friends. The lady at my sandwich shop I go most mornings asked where my little friend had been. I had to explain an abbreviated version and even with our slight language barrier, her mood just dropped completely and she quietly said “sorry” before I headed off.

The very worst one of those sitches happened to me this week. I was on my way for a meeting, and realised I forgot my laptop. So went back home and as I opened the door my two new pups Flash and Felix bolted out. Turns out I forgot to properly close the makeshift barrier in the living room. So I ran out after them (we live near a main road) and got lil’ felix first because he’s like 1.5kg and then using some Snake stealth slowly got to flash who’s much more of a wildcard. We locked eyes, and for the first time in my whole life I showed a reaction time faster than 3 minutes and caught him on the ground. It reminded me a lot of that mario 64 sequence where you have to catch that rabbit who stole your hat or whatever.

As I stood up with them both in hand, in front of me was no other than Notty, Louie’s best friend who is a pug Louie was deeply in love with (Not even joking). Whenever they met up it was this whole scene of them rolling around and zooming and licking and Louie squeaking. Louie never did it with any other dog. I legit think they were gay lovers. Which was dope.

Anyway, I hadn’t seen him or his parents in months and was now carrying two new papillon puppies so had to introduce them, and at the same time explain what happened to Louie and his passing. Their parents then looked down, and slowly told Notty “you won’t be able to see your friend Louie anymore” and Notty kept shuffling about. I couldn’t help but feel grateful about how dogs absorb that sort of information. I wish I could do that sometimes.

Anyway I rushed back inside, secured the dogs again, and cancelled my meeting. Self care.

– Warwick

Sports

 

I hate sports. Anything that forces me to use any sort of coordination or athleticism brings back terrifying memories. I couldn’t even summersault when I was in primary school. To avoid having to, I told everyone the gym teacher made us do it because he was some sort of pedophile. Unfortunately, this strategy couldn’t work on my dad, who forced me to start playing soccer when I was five. For eight years. Urgh. My highlight was when it was raining and I heard those magic words “Looks like you won’t be playing today” and I could go back to playing video games and ignoring other children. In the eight years I had to play soccer, I never got past my fear of the ball when it was moving. Thing was like the size of my head. So for eight years I ran up and down the field like a puppy chasing people but never actually doing anything. Other parents must have been so confused. Anyway the point is sport sucks. One of the highlights of growing up is there’s less potential for balls to come flying at your face. I guess that really depends on the person though.

 

– Warwick

Dylan Reviews Chungus

 

Hello Games has graced us with the greatest game of the year (read: life), with
their immaculate genre bending game “Big Chungus”. What is there to say about
this gaming experience that hasn’t already been said by other publications?
What really drives “Big Chungus” in a different direction to other games is the way
the devs have managed to blend the RPG elements, fighting mechanics and the
intuitive yet difficult to master racing scenarios. So you can imagine Cecil’s
excitement when he got the opportunity to test out the updated Humongous
Chungus deluxe edition.  Which is currently available here.

This updated version includes not only the two bonus characters (watch out for
Stretched Out Garfield’s finisher) but also boasts an expanded cut of the raunchy
story plus side quests that give the player a chance to try out the new characters.
The soundtrack has also been subject to a few change ups, with several new tracks
breaking into the scene.

Obviously we can’t get too far into the review without revealing one of the many
jaw dropping, belly sloshing laugh moments or the tear stealing emotional scenes
so we will just skip straight to the review.

Pros:
– Balanced combat system with enemies that become increasingly difficult as
Chungus levels up.
– Players feel genuinely rewarded as they unlock bonus characters, content and
easter eggs.
– That Dio cameo.
– Soundtrack is well orchestrated to reflect the mood of the levels and CGs.
– Special moves have doubled in number.
– The Lonely Kids Club shirt that arrived with our copy fit perfectly.

Cons:
– Minor bugs, nothing game breaking at least.
– Tutorial went on for too long, though this is to expected to learn the diverse and
expansive mechanics.
– The underwater levels dragged on too long.
– Not enough hat options.

All in all, a very fun gaming experience that will keep you entertained for a long
time with how replayable it is.

9.6/10.

 

– Dylan Lewellin

Haters Gonna Hate

 

This is a design I made with a dude in the UK over email about 8 years ago when I still had a hotmail address:

At the time I was copping with so much heat because I was in the process of dropping out of uni to launch this clothing brand. I was getting told by many people what a mistake it was and how I’d end up on the street so I decided to channel those feels into a design.

It still resonates with me a lot, and part of me feels like whenever anyone takes a chance or risk on something that strays from the usual path, sometimes the response is of negativity rather than support. And I think that comes from a place of fear. But never let anyone else’s thoughts on what you’re doing hinder you pursing your dreams. Trust yourself. You’ll probs end up regretting not trying a lot more than if you do try and it doesn’t work out, which you learn and grow from.

As I wrote back to the first piece of hate mail I received when I tried contacting boutiques to stock my clothing:  “haters gonna hate.” 

–  Warwick

Boofhead

 
I saw my papa for lunch today and I asked him how his day was but he changed the conversation and pointed out that I look like I have a big head when I wear my cap. I do have a big head, I think. One time when I was in year 8 or 9 I was sitting in the front row of class and a guy behind me commented that he couldn’t see the whiteboard cos of my big head. lmao. He then said I was a “boofhead” which was my first experience with a word that i’ve since come to love.
 
I did have a massive Jewfro in his defence. It made my head look a bit like a microphone. At the time I felt such a high level of anxiety and freaked out, but I got a haircut that arvo and felt better. Now I just find the whole thing funny tho – I was wondering around with this “Screech from Saved By The Bell” aesthetic down pat without even knowing it. I wish a bell saved me in that fkn moment back in class, though – was stuck there with my boofhead for another hour lmao.
 
– Warwick

How I got into making T-shirts (Part 1)

 

I used to go to these internet cafes every weekend with a friend and play games instead of studying or having real social interactions with other people. I was hella into Counter Strike and Warcraft / DOTA. I sucked tho. Anyway while I was in that hood I saw a printing place that let you make your own tees. So first thing I did was get a green tee from Target and print “ZOMG WTF?!?!1” and it became a whole conversation point for me. For anyone under 25 I swear it used to be a whole thing. I’m fkn old.

So I kept printing more weird things on target tees but didn’t think they were very good so started buying tees from weird obscure websites to sort of make it my vibe. It made me feel more comfortable around other people I think. It also got me really into the idea of making my own clothes and after a bit of research I found those print-your-own-tee sites and started making strange band t-shirts for my music project that no one knew existed to give out / sell to people.

PS I found a photo of me wearing the tee on Myspace lmao:


(We were called Huge Spider Pirates)

 

– Warwick

Chin Up

 

I was with my friend Hugh last night and we were walking past an outdoor training area, so I told him I could do a chin up. In hindsight I have no idea why, I had nothing to prove at the time, but hey I got cocky. Anyway that all turned to shit when I got to the bars and tried pulling. I realised that contrary to my earlier belief, I can not do a chin-up. At all. I think i’ve been doing chin-ups on a half-height this whole time. Who knew (not me, evidently).

I tried rocking back and fourth to gain momentum like I had seen playing Donkey Kong Country as a child, but this did not work well. To make it worse, I also interrupted some dude’s work-out routine to do this failed chin-up, and swing around for a bit. As I got down said it was because the bar was too high, and everyone laughed, so you know, that part of it was a win.

 

– Warwick