I’m really into ASMR which is this thing where sounds or people talking quietly makes you feel all tingly and nice. I never watched Youtube videos of it or anything, I just did this naturally for years before I realised what it was. I had an epiphany about it the other day. Sometimes, when people are talking quietly, I’ll slowly lift up an object like a ruler or pen and start rubbing it up and down my back or arm. Even worse, I won’t even mention it to whoever I’m talking to, I’ll just start rubbing weird objects against myself throughout the conversation in the most nonchalant way possible. No one has ever noticed or said anything but I’ll just call a space of spaces that I’m a weirdo. It started at a young age. I think I was one of those kids in preschool who would rub themselves against random objects like corners of tables until uncomfortable teachers yelled “oi!” at us. so like, this is who I am. I’m okay with it.

– Warwick

I just had the most passive aggressive fight with my neighbours. They kept drilling really loudly into a common wall. It was so loud Louie had his feathers in a huff. I mean fur. Whatever. So I got Louie’s tennis ball and starting bouncing it as loudly as I could on our tiled floor. This caused the drilling to stop. We had three or four rounds of them trying again and then me bouncing the ball again but finally it now seems to have come to an end. I know Tools Down on The Block isn’t until 6PM, but sometimes you gotta break the rules. Louie was completely losing his shit the whole time jumping around everywhere in a frenzy with the ball. He’s sleeping now. I think he was the real winner here.

– Warwick

I was walking Louie this arvo and as he squatted over to take a dump, this lady walking by just stopped in the middle of the foot path, put her hands on her hips and starts staring down Louie’s asshole. No joke. She looked mad cranky too like she was trying to be intimidating or something so I broke the ice by saying “You can watch my dog take a shit if you like, I don’t mind.” Lmao. Should have tried that one out on Tinder. But yeah as it turns out someone watching my dog try to poop is what sets off my confrontation mode. She got all frumpy and said back “I don’t care about your dog, I’m just sick of treading in it!” All while still staring down Louie’s ass. Luckily Louie wasn’t paying attention or it would have hurt his little feelings, or made him feel insecure about his booty size. I had a poop bag out already though so it was all just a real bizarre situation. She kept angrily staring so I re-affirmed that I was gonna pick it up anyway and it’s so creepy that she’s watching and as I finished picking it up and she finally walked off. Thank god. Part of me feels like I really should have made some remark about me using a bag and her being an old bag. That would have been a total zinger. I hate that I always forget this stuff on the spot. But yeah. Turns out staring down on people’s dogs pooping is a real thing people do. Maybe it’s a fetish and she went home and had the time of her life afterwards. Mental picture of Louie excreting in her head, glass of red on her bedside table and a durry hanging from mouth. If so you’re welcome, overly aggressive poop-obsessed lady.

– Warwick

I was getting my hair cut today and I go to this little barber near my house. The guy who was cutting my hair was talking to me as per usual but we ran out of stuff to say pretty fast. So he kept saying “what else” and after a couple times without thinking I accidentally said out loud “why does there have to be anything else” and then it got a bit awks and he finished the rest of the haircut in silence. It was one of those weird moments where I thought out loud. I felt bad though.

–  Warwick

When I was a kid I used to spend hours on MS Paint just fucking around making these weird artworks. One day my mum saw one and out of nowhere asked me to print it out and sign it then she framed it. That was honestly one of the highlights of my time living at my mum’s house aha.

I think it was one of the first times I felt like my creativity was acknowledged or appreciated on some level even though it was just my somewhat creepy artwork and that was nice. Back then I hadn’t launched the brand yet, and I remember how excited I used to get about the concept of making clothes that people would look at and potentially wear. Now that actually happens. But it’s hard to think about how far the project has come and not just focus on where I need to be and how I’m not there yet.

It’s sort of like swimming to a destination that’s very far away – you only ever focus on where you’re trying to get to which always seems far away but you forget to ever look back and see that you’re actually far away from where you first started. I dunno. Maybe I wanna go swimming again. I stayed at a place with a hot tub once. It was nice until I realised people at the next balcony over were smoking durries and had a clear view of my junk. Live and learn.

Here’s an example of one:

– Warwick

I went on this excursion to meet friends at MCA (My first outing in like three weeks from having gastro) and my gf drove and after a lengthly search we found someone leaving their parking spot. I asked if we could have the spot and she said no worries. So anyway we waited for them and this dude drove up right behind us on this wide road instead of going around us and just left his hand on the beeper going absolutely batshit crazy aggressive with it. It was like that Simpsons scene where George Bush Senior is taking ages to order from Krusty Burger and Homer goes all apeshit beeping on him.

This is a post I did on Father’s Day which I wanted to put up here because if you’re ever feeling down this is worth a read: 

Happy father’s day everyone. This father’s day my dad said he was proud of me and for the first time I’m (sort of) a father with puppy Louie, so here’s a bit of fatherly advice / a short story for everyone:

When I was younger a lot of people saw me as some sort of dead-shit drop kick when I dropped out of uni, and couldn’t keep a job, relationship or life plan together. In their defence I was pretty useless. I got fired from about 10 different jobs. The fucking Shaver Shop fired me because I thought I fell in love with a girl on the train so got to work late (It’s a blog post somewhere).

So this is a 100% real interview I did recently for an online publication that decided to decline my answers. Lmao. I guess they never learned about the wonder of Bunnings.

Anyway enjoy:

Short bio- Any details about the Lonely Kids Club, your career, interest, hobbies, quirks

I’ve had a pretty intense life – I grew up as a small child then developed into a small minded adult and now i fall over all the time so life is really going places for me. Sometimes I just stumble and then act like I never actually fell over and when that happens I think back to when I was just a small child and say to myself “Warwick, you’ve made it”

Favourite shoe store

I used to go the Hype store in Chatswood every week with a Brag magazine and assess the gigs currently playing and try use it as an excuse to lure the girl working there to go with me but she’d never go. That was okay though I just really liked hanging with her. Years later my friend saw her in a new store and asked about me and she said she remembered me / missed me. I was so close to locking her in to one of my own brand parties. Dammit.

Favourite store for t-shirts

Well funny you should ask, this charming little flagship store called Lonely Kids Club just opened at 58 Atchison St in St Leonards as it’s just blowing me away. The boy who works there is so good looking and it offers some cool vibes like creating your own pocket tees and a huge range of T-shirts. Definitely my boy crush.

Favourite store for a unique find

Bunnings. Where do they come up with that stuff.

Favourite accessories store

I bought my sister a necklace from Diva and she hated but then I gave it to my mum and she loved it so I’d say its the best accessories store for mothers based on that singular experience. I dont know what song is playing right now on my headphones but it’s amazing. Oh it’s Tony Castles. Bless.

Favourite coffee shop

Hmm I actually go to so many. Probably Caffe Nostra. It looks ordinary but it’s the most amazing gourmet cafe ever. If you catch them on a quiet moment you have to ask for an omelette it’s actually the best one I’ve ever had but they can’t make it when it’s too busy. Also such a great vibe.

The best place to find a gift

Get drunk and go on eBay and buy a tonne of stuff that you forget about by morning and then distribute them to friends as you see according. Worst case tell them you’re disappointed they didn’t get the personal joke because you put so much thought into it. Nailed it.

Yeah. My bad.

–  Lonely Kids Club

I used to be really, really into gaming at internet cafes. It was much more fun than studying or playing sports. Anyway one time this super dodgy guy came in and asked me what colour my phone was. I think he just came in and targeted the scrawniest looking dude who could find. That was me. First to get chosen for phone stealing, last to get chosen for touch football. Also can we just take a second to discuss that asking “What’s your colour bro” was literally his phone stealing plan. This wasn’t even iPhone days where you chose silver or black or whatever. We still all had those Nokia bricks. So I was like no I’m not showing you my phone ya weirdo. Was a ballsy move. So he kept pushing me about it and eventually got angry and said “Fine then I’m taking your ball then” and legitimately picked up this little rubber ball I bought from one of those $2 ball dispensing machines off the table and left with it. This was a real thing that happened. Also holy fuck this Nokia phone survived this round but a year later another dude (!!) mugged me on a train and stole it. I got it back after they caught him though. I can’t actually believe how much trouble I had keeping that phone.

– Lonely Kids Club

So my mum told me some crazy stuff about my bris the other day. For those not in the know, a bris is when yung jewish boys get the snip on their peen. Anyway I called my mum up about this the other night while I was out (as you do) to get clarity about what actually happened because my friend Max was doubting me and she told me that after mine was snipped the rabbi / doctor (it’s a dual employment thing) then used a pipette and licked the blood or whatever (as they do?). How disturbing is that. I can see why they mixed up jews and witchcraft so much in GoT times (I don’t even know what that time period is called). Anyhow I literally had this conversation with her on loud speaker. Just sort of jumped into a whole conversation happening outside the bar I was at and my mum was so casual about it. The kicker was she finished being like “oh yeah I think he might of died of aids. Or not. I forget” Cheers mum. Sorry this was the most TMI post ever. Every now and then I think to myself I’m getting more professional with this but then I think about it and realise “nah, I’m really not”.

– Lonely Kids Club