Monthly Archives: October 2015

Die It


I’m trying to blog rn but Talia is doing some sort of 7 minute work out directly next to me so the whole room is shaking and I’m just sitting on my laptop trying to act cool about the whole thing but I’m twitchy as fuck cos I have eaten like nothing today but this diet is my everything rn cos even co-workers are now noticing that I’ve lost weight and I need to keep riding that high. Do you know how good it feels to find something you ditched cos it was way too small and then fit into it. It feels amazing. Even if it’s actually some really shitty T-shirt (Not from this brand of course) that you clearly ditched for other reasons you push through cos your arms look fire. No but for real the sacrifice is so real I’m making spaghetti bolognaise tonight and swapping the pasta for zucchini how fucked is that. Aha Talia is making loud breathing noises I can’t even keep blogging anymore it sounds like a train is slowly breaking down next to me. But for real dieting is fucked. And so is City Rail. I know they’re called Sydney Trains now but nah fuck City Rail.


– Lonely Kids Club

Ad Breaks


When I was like 5 and my sister was 7, she told me it was illegal for ads to show more than 3 times in a one ad break. She said if it did they would go to jail. I can’t even begin to explain how much I just lost my shit over the idea of this. That’s what fascinated me as a child – knowing people would go to jail over poorly planned advertising and jumping for hours on a trampoline (Maybe both at the same time). So every ad break I’d be sitting there waiting for an ad to show a third time after it got showed twice thinking shit would go down, but it would never happen. This was, of course, total bullshit like half the stuff my sister used to say when we were kids. I think I was only like 23 when I realized that this wasn’t a real thing. It came about because people kept talking about how they would play the ‘ad game’. I’d assume they too were looking for if an ad got shown 3 times but apparently it was based around guessing what product / service was being advertised first. Well yeah, I mean if you want to be all conventional about your ad games that works too. I guess. One day when LKC gets big enough all the fame will go to my head and I’ll demand the advertising execs let me play an ad three times during a break and when the police arrive to take me to jail for life I’ll smugly be on my trampoline knowing I did myself proud. Fuck yeah. This is who I am.


– Lonely Kids Club

Dad’s Birthday



Oh man I’m such a disorganised mess. It was my dad’s birthday on the weekend so he arranged a birthday dinner. Just to be sure he sent a text with a google map link of where the restaurant was and the time of the dinner. Rookie mistake when you have me for a son. Anyway a week and a half passes and it’s time for his dinner. So I’m on the way and my sister called and asks if I’m there yet and I realise oh shit I’ve gotten the time of the event wrong and I’m now late. Then I get to the restaurant and realise oh shit there’s two of these (that’s super confusing though right?) and I’ve gone to the wrong one. So now I’m running around the city and rushing poor Talia along until we get into a taxi and strike gold with the absolute best taxi driver I’ve ever gotten. The dude was a fucking machine. Those yellow lights meant NOTHING to him he was shooting through at 80 km/h through the CBD weaving through slow taxi drivers and elderly people. Was glorious. Anyway ended up getting there like 40 minutes late but to my dad’s credit he just laughed. It’s only taken him 63 years but he’s finally just accepted who I am as a person and that’s nice I think. Just wish he was more like that when he was forcing me to do air cadets in high school. Oh man did that end badly. Anyway soz dad. Happy birthday though. Much love.


– Lonely Kidds Club