Monthly Archives: September 2015

Cooked

 

Sydney is getting so weird man. I went to OutsideIn (A little music festival at Manning Bar) and it was like entering a prison or something. All Orange Is The New Black style, and like the show took unnecessarily long to get to the point (Fuck season 3 starts off boring). You had to walk in one at a time to get individually sniffed by a drug dog which is coincidently the only time I don’t like dogs, and then awkwardly patted down all while about 20 cops aggressively stared at you. It’s a fucking music festival. I dunno why they wanted us to feel punished for supporting our local music community. Anyone who actually deals drugs would be smart enough to know not to bring it in to a damn festival so all they’d be doing is catching out innocent kids who were unexperienced enough to not double drop before entering (This was defs the case I spoke to so many cooked cunts on the day) and I ended up seeing the exact spot they got taken to. So many 18 year old kids caught with one pill crying hysterically as they got lectured for an hour then taken into a police van. I can only imagine the damage they would have caused had they not been caught – jumping around in mosh pits damaging people’s pristine shoes (RIP my new balance sneakers), stroking their hair 30-40 times within an hour and causing absolute havoc in the food stall lines with their indecision. Would have been fucked. This is our country right now. Trying to fuck over kids, whinging about a transport service that actually services the community, outrage that we want to choose the content we watch and going out of their way to slow our internet down to a fucking halt so our country can be a laughing stock in 5 years. Fucking hell Straya. So busy babysitting no one’s even looking after the house anymore. Ahaha festival was really good tho.

 

– Lonely Kids Club

N-Gage

 

So the N-Gage was a gaming mobile phone Nokia released back in the day that was massive flop. I used to get so much shit about having one as a teenager but can I just say the N-Gage had so many cool concepts. They had this one game where you customised your own unique fighter and it was a siq fighting game like Tekken. But if you walked anywhere near someone else who had the game both your phones would go off and you’d take them out and then go into a heated battle. How cray is that. They also had this one called Pocket Kingdoms or something where you built empires and battled each other. 10 years later and half my friends (In nerdier circles – soz guys) sit there doing that exact same shit with iPhone apps. The difference is really just that people identified you as being a l0ser if you had an N-gage, but if you have an iPhone the image you give is “$$ yeeee bruh I’m a successful and educ8ed $$” that’s why they expanded it to Apple Watches so you don’t even have to go to a fancy café and slam your phone on the table (They can’t wait to do it if you go anywhere with them you’ll notice it now) to alert people to this. I’m not even joking.

 

– Lonely Kids Club

Awks Gym Moment

 

Oh man most awks thing ever. I was at the gym the other night and a girl working out next to me full on collapsed. So I grabbed her weights for her, asked if she was okay 2-3 times and offered to get her something or a first aid kit (I think I called it a medpack from years of gaming) and she just ignored everything I was saying so I was like okay whatevs and continued training. Turns out nothing is more awkward than training within a metre of someone just screaming fuck over and over and moaning / yelling. I know that sounds really sexual but it was probably closer to what a lady giving birth would sound like. Not that I would now. It was like a more extreme version of that scene from family guy when Peter falls over except I was living it. Eventually she called up someone and said she thought she broke her leg so I was like yep I’m out and packed up my gear and bolted. There was nothing I could do in that situation. It’s weird how passionate people are about not talking to each other at gyms. Once you’ve asked if someone’s using a machine you want, that’s it. If you talk further you’re now disturbing that person and everyone around you. Someone had to take his left headphone out for this and if they’re listening to a loud song they are now in pain because of you. Get your shit together. Even if they break their leg, scream in pain and lay there immobile on the ground, it’s not cool bro. I bet in the back of her mind she was thinking “Look mate, I’m not using a machine you want, just fuck off”. Now that’s determination to uphold etiquette.

– Lonely Kids Club