Monthly Archives: July 2015

Buses Suck

 

So one time when I was in year 8 or something I missed the bus. It was a 40 minute walk to the station and they didn’t come regularly. So basically I was fucked. My only chance was sprinting a block up the road to where the buses came later in the route to jump on or I’d be late for school. My mum would flat out refuse to ever drive me so it was literally the most stressful make or break. So I woke up to the sound of the bus leaving and freaked out and got up, put on my uniform from off the floor (Life hack – during winter use jumpers cos they cover your creased as fuck shirt) grabbed my bag and legged it out the house and straight up the road. The shortcut to this other point the bus stopped at was like this giant fucking hill thingy so you had to really move it. I used to scooter down it and one time I fell and totally fucked up my face. Anyway I digress. So I leg it up there, force myself to keep running to the bus stop, and omfg I turn around and there’s the bus. This is like the feel good story of the year. So I wave excitedly at the bus and the driver decides this means I’m not interested so then keeps on driving and doesn’t let me in. My heart literally sank. And to top it all off, this absolute fuckwit of a human being called Andy that I knew in primary school looked at me, pointed and laughed. So because of fuckface Andy I felt too awkward to run for the bus so instead just tried playing it cool (very badly) and played snake on my phone. So there I was, now sweaty and shit, and I had to brace for the 40 minute walk to the station so I could later get badgered for why I was late by my teacher aha. I genuinely think it’s these situations that all accumulated in me just hating buses now. Trainboi 4 lyf.

 

– Lonely Kids Club

Dad Jokes

 

I went to dinner with my dad Cecil the other night and was busting out so many dad jokes like a champ. He always wears a Lonely Kids Club jumper without anything printed on it by his request. So Talia commented that his jumper was different to the other jumpers I make and I said it was a special edition because his one has the Cecil on the inside instead of the outside. Aw yeah. He’ll always be the king though. His best ever moment was at Shabbat dinner one time, which is like a dinner we do every Friday night. So we’re all standing there and my step mum is about to light the candles and he slyly looks up and says “Didn’t we do this last week?” and everyone just looks away awkwardly while trying to avoid eye contact. It was like the perfect dad joke. I hear dads go their whole lives trying to reach that level. It was a rare sight indeed. One day I’ll get there. One day.

 

– Lonely Kids Club

Masticating

 

I went to my local café during my break at werk and got a wrap and this little apricot protein ball cos I love masticating huge balls down my mouth. Anyway I got back to the office and realised I left my delicious ball back on the table at the café. Fark. So I tried calling them and they didn’t pick up so I had a real predicament on my hands. It’d be pretty awkward to drive all the way over and ask about a ball I accidently left there but I thought fuck it sometimes you gotta fight for what you believe in so I drove over and lo and behold the dude at the counter had the ball waiting for me. To clarify it was covered in a white paper bag. It’d be kind of weird otherwise. Speaking of that sort of thing it’s so weird that you can buy vitamin D. Imagine telling a pharmacist that you’re hankering for the (vitamin) D. It’s just weird. I’ll stick to gobbling down balls m8.

 

– Lonely Kids Club

Deep thoughts with Pone

I got a guest blog post today from a dude called Tony Kingston. He initially came to my attention because he had a Tinder profile photo featuring the Winston Jumper so naturally I got about 30 screenshots of him from my friends. But he’s an accomplished boi. He writes for Purple Sneakers & runs his own parties via The Abe Show. Does that look weird? I’ve like forgotten how to hyperlink. Anyway It’s cool someone wanted to do a guest blog post. If anyone else wants to please feel free. It’s just fun making this a more communal thing. ^_^

Tony’s guest post:

You know you’re getting old when you think back to some of the first house parties you went to and they didn’t even have DJs. The time when the music selection for the evening was played off burnt mix CDs which occasionally or regularly skipped and MP3 players, which created that awful noise through the speakers when someone pulled the cord out. The time when it wouldn’t be that surprising to hear The Mars Volta, The Chemical Brothers and Snoop Dogg within the same hour. The time when people got pissed off when someone changed the music during their favourite song. It’s amazing how far we’ve come since then, but I would love to go back in time to experience one of these parties again. What a spin out that would be.

– Not Lonely Kids Club