Monthly Archives: June 2015

It’s a Mitsy

 

Man that fucking Mitsibishi ad is so fucking annoying. “Is it a Mitsy?” will never be a thing. For some reason I legitimately associate it with erectile dysfunction. Like I can picture a couple being in bed and the woman is trying real hard to get into it, but feigning interest is the only hard thing in the situation so she’s like “Darling, what’s going on?” and he looks up slowly, sighs, and says “It’s a Mitsy”, and so they both lie down next to each other, not sure if they should talk about it or not. Sorry that got so real. It just sounds like something that you would feel ashamed about. I guess that’s still pretty close to accurate though. Actually my mum always drove a Mitsubishi now that I think about it. She used to ask me about my sexual exploits constantly. I remember one time we went out to dinner after my exams and I said “Mum I’m worried I failed some subjects” and she replied “I’m more worried about your inability to get laid.” I think I’ve already mentioned that in a blog post but fuck it. It was due for a comeback. Unlike Mitsys. Fuck off Mitsy.

 

– Lonely Kids Club

Kids in Cafes

 

I go to this café for lunch sometimes near my work and there are always these swarms of mothers having the most mundane conversations about cooking and K-Mart while their kids run around screaming as loud as possible and everyone tries to ignore it. I’m all for learning more about how we can cut the cost of living but it just makes me less excited about being in my 30’s. I have no idea why I’ve decided I’m going to be a stay at home mother when I’m older but I think it’s pretty locked in. I’d play on my laptop all day and take my papillions for long walks and teach my children how to play Nintendo 64. I’m legit an avid Nintendo 64 game collector. Just today I bought some new genuine controllers and Snowboard Kids. I’m eyeing off Mario Party 2 but it’s like $95. How fucked is that. Fucking eBay. What was I talking about again? Oh right. Yeah my café is fucking loud.

 

– Lonely Kids Club

I don’t like underwear

 

I fucking hate underwear. I just like to be commando all the time. I get so uncomfortable wearing briefs, so I’m trying to wear boxers. But I end up just adjusting myself over and over while I walk and then I look like someone that’s forced to stay at least 500m from a primary school at all times. It just all bunches up and it takes worse care of your package than Australia Post. The other issue with not wearing underwear is the constant battle you face when you need to bend over for any reason. You just don’t know how much cover you’re going to receive from your T-shirt or whatever and have to start worrying about crack exposure. I have no idea how people are so oblivious about / comfortable with showing people their cracks.  It’s like people that permanently have their mouths open with a stunned expression. They look like they just memorized the alphabet successfully for the first time. How do they not realise how fucked they look. Just sort your shit out. I don’ t even know why I’m thinking about all this right now I think I’m just so uncomfortable as I write this. Urgh. Underwear.

 

– Lonely Kids Club

Body Cycle

 

I was so fucking stressed the week of the latest clothing range launch that just before the party I tried cleaning up my beard and accidently trimmed it way too low on my face so freaked out and just shaved all of it off. It’s like the closest I’ve gone to being clean shaven in over 6 years. The whole thing was also problematic because I was at the chubbiest phase of my body cycle. It’s totally a thing. You would think having to be on top of that sort of thing since I was like 15 would have me as an ace at this shit by now, but yeah evidently not so much. Then when I was at the party I got obsessed with rubbing my face against things because you don’t really get those sensations when you have a beard over your skin. So my friend Matt and I rubbed out cheeks together like 6 times on the night it would have looked so fucking weird to people but omg it actually felt amazing. Also turns out when you ask people if you can rub their puppies against your face they get mad offended. Way to be over-protective of your puppy. In dog years its well over 18 and can make his own fucking decisions. Also for what it’s worth my beard has already grown back. It’s like the manliest aspect of me overall so I just try own that shit in general.

 

– Lonely Kids Club