For some reason I just have this natural response of saying “enjoy” to people in various social situations without realising until afterwards. For example, when I go to grocery stores and I‘m not concentrating, I always say “enjoy” to the person serving me as I grab my shopping bags and walk away. It’s legitimately the complete opposite of what’s supposed to happen in that situation. Anyway this whole thing escalated when I was serving drinks at my friend Max’s mum’s 60th and someone asked to be taken to the bathroom. So of course, I said follow me and took him over to the bathroom and as he was walking in I said “enjoy” then walked off. What a fucking creepy thing to say to someone in that situation, hey . I could have just said, “If you have diarrhoea, it’s okay” then repeated “it’s okay” again in a slightly gentler tone as I slowly walked out. Backwards. While maintaining eye contact. You know what else is creepy? When people take their wallet out of their pocket, open it up, then lick their fingers before taking out a note. Actually by creepy I mean it’s amazing. I’ve started doing it, but I step it up a notch by also wiping my pinky and thumb through my eyebrows, followed by my moustache. I don’t actually have a moustache yet, but contemplating bringing it back. It would make me more closely resemble the father emoji. That’d be sweet. Anyway sorry I got super distracted there and forgot what I was talking about. Enjoy.

– Lonely Kids Club

Oh man I was getting ready for work today and realised I left my jeans in my car, which was parked on the street. So I rushed out wearing a button-up shirt and dodgy gym shorts holding my shoes and wallet and as I was walking up the street this dude says to me “Big night last night eh?” and I said back “yeah man I was working on some music and watching Bob’s Burgers it was rad” and he just sorta looked confused and I was like super chuffed that this dude was showing so much interest in my life. But then it suddenly hit me hours later while I was eating a sandwich that it looked a lot like I was doing a runner from someone’s house after canoodling with a lady friend or something. Eitherway I guess it’s still a compliment that I look like the sort of people who would do that sort of thing. Especially on a Monday morning. What a boss. Rad.

Anyway hey huge sale still happening, I just want to count all the stock properly first so I can make sure I don’t over-sell items cos a lot of stuff is really low already. I’ll get to it soon I swear. No more bob’s burgers til I do. That’s totally a lie, but legit im on the case.

– Lonely Kids Club

Fark people in Sydney are so go go go all the time. I got out the gym today and was walking to Coles to get some vegetables that have probs been in a freezer for a few years (Ice cold joke) and this girl behind me yells COME ON! And I thought she was on the phone to a friend doing her best Lleyton Hewitt impression but then as she scurried past I realised she wasn’t on a phone and was in fact talking to me. Didn’t even have one of those weird Bluetooth headphones. It’s weird that people are so high and mighty that they’d rather just yell shit at someone rather than just take a step to the left and right and walk past people. I decided I was having a good day so wasn’t gonna let this lil’ thang get me down so I just oh fuck off and went about my business. But even this morning I turned onto a road and this dude suddenly legged it into the lane as I did and beeped super aggressively at me so I drove fast momentarily and put my hand up then he beeped again to make me go through an amber light so I abided (and put my hand up – I’m a polite boi) then he beeped AGAIN to make me go through another one and I was like nope fuck this dude and just put on tha breaks. If getting to a destination 30 seconds faster is so important that you’re going to all tantrumy on other people I reckon you need to re-think your priorities in life. There are just worse things to worry about. #Sydneythoughts

– Lonely Kids Club