Monthly Archives: July 2014



Oh man my OCD things are starting to get out of control. I get this weird compulsion to rub my chin against my shoulder sometimes and I just look like some fucking weirdo if I’m on a train near kids or something. I don’t know why I felt the need to bring kids up just then. Anyway my other habits usually involve things that only go on in my head, like constructing these weird pyramids out of lines around corners and shapes, so I’m pretty good at looking totally sane in any situation, and not some chin rubbing weirdo. It’s cool though I’m focusing on it so I’m getting better. I think I got it all from my mum. My mum is OCD as fuck. She can only get things in twos, and has to touch all wood everywhere all the time and compulsively buys things like watches. I think she’s bought like 80 watches. But she still arrives late to any given occasion. She’s so kooky.

Anyway I went to a this prestigious high school I somehow got into, and I remember going to an entrance interview, and my mum got up and started wondering around the room touching all the wooden things while I was discussing Roald Dahl’s biography with the principle (The only book I had properly read by that point). I think it worked to my advantage though because he saw her, then saw me, and must have thought fuck okay this dude must have his shit together to deal with this because he chose me to get into the school and what a cracking decision he made. I went on to fail 5 out of the 7 exams we had to do in year 7. Who would have thought my limited knowledge of Roald Dahl wouldn’t get me over the line. Not this guy.


– Lonely Kids Club

The Voice is also shit


I switched on the TV and the voice was on and it literally started with Will I Am standing there wearing the most ridiculous outfit with glasses and beanie and some thousand dollar T-shirt talking about how hard it is for underprivileged aboriginal communities like he has any idea what a community is or who aboriginal people are. Oh man also I love Joel Madden’s transition from Pop Rock to Dipshit. He was literally prancing around earlier in the show like a child at a wiggles concert. He occasionally says “rock and roll music yeahhhh” sounding way too much like a child with a disability but that’s okay I love my Jo Jo. This was kind of like a live commentary from the last 15 minutes of the show but the point is I’ve now watched both The Voice and Xfactor. Both are just awful. I’ve been watching Nathan For You though. That’s amazing. I tried writing my own TV show once. The concept was everyone takes acid before the show starts but this isn’t made clear to the audience and each episode is 10 minutes long and is based around a different concept. One episode could be a game show. The host could ask a question then ask “what?” back and fourth with the contestant when neither know what’s going on then another contestant could just wonder off and that could be an amazing sub-plot. Come on admit it that’d be amazing.

– Lonely Kids Club

Xfactor Is Shit


Man, I tried watching Xfactor tonight and just couldn’t deal with how stupid the whole concept is. It opened with some random dude in the crowd who said he was some family orientated guy, then suddenly the whole show cut to his house showing generic shots of him playing with his kids and kissing what we assume is his wife (or he was making a really complicated situation for his children, either way). So obviously we can dismiss the idea that any of this is real unless they happen to just film people with their families JUST IN CASE but that’s also okay you have to just enjoy the fun. So the guy gets up and starts singing Pharrell William’s Happy because unless it’s on Nova it’s not music M8 then before you know it Redfoo stands up and starts clapping his hands in the air like some degenerate and the rest of the audience starts clapping too because this family dude is vaguely hitting an electronic drum pad that look as plugged in as Justin Bieber’s headphones in that Instagram photo and you have to wonder what the fuck is wrong with these people that they have nothing better to do than to clap to this dude’s glorified karaoke with some sell-out judges like Dannii Minogue. I didn’t realise having a gifted sister meant you were relevant / in a position to judge other people’s talent. Don’t you need to have your own first. What a crock of shit. I don’t think it’d be possible for a TV Show to have any less substance.

God I miss Game Of Thrones. :(

– Lonely Kids Club

Port Mac Bruh


So Port Macquarie is an interesting place. My brother was wearing one of my old jumpers, and a guy walking past yelled out “FAG” at him. Unfortunately I was in conversation and didn’t notice, otherwise I would have questioned the heterosexuality of the ugg-boots he was wearing at the time. Nothing screams masculinity quite like ugg-boots. All he was missing was some freshly painted nails and singlet with a mean girls quote on it. He wouldn’t sit with us. Anyway aside from that and a lady that aggressively flipped me off while I was driving (In her defence Hyundai’s flew here while she grew here) it’s actually a pretty lovely place. Everyone else was super nice and the beaches are crazy cool. Also I got to finally see my dogs again. I took them to a dog friendly beach for adventures, a giant walk through the bush where we were encircled by kangaroos (Who were then scared off by Mushka, who can barely hop across the long grass but has a fierce bark apparently) and then today I got them both groomed. Arguably I needed one more than them though. I literally just finished the drive then came home and jumped straight onto my laptop to blog about it. I must be exactly how they envision people from Sydney are. I should get a singlet made saying You Can’t Blog With Us. Also hey tomorrow I’ll announce the new discount code. Sit tight.

– Lonely Kids Club