Monthly Archives: June 2014

Twenty Five


Being 25 is a scary thing. I remember being 18 and talking to my friend david and being all like “dude do people still go out when they’re old, like, 25” and david was like “yeah its totally fine you just go to fancier bars”. We laughed it off, then went back into greenwood the following Thursday to offer to buy girls vodka sunrises (that was totally a thing) in an effort to win them over following on from previous efforts on MSN. It kind of feels like when you get older you still do all this, but just swap the vodka sunrise to a vodka soda, change from greenwood to a more expensive smaller bar and replace MSN with Tinder. Tinder is kind of similar to how I used to use MSN, but instead of accusing each other of being the one to add the other one’s email, you both just mutually accept you swiped the same direction, even though one of you was probably just clicking yes on everything under the desk while bored at work. Also I kind of miss MSN, you’d randomly get thrown into giant conversations where you didn’t know half the people and you’d have to be the witty one which everyone would want to add after. That was like my time to shine. Sitting behind a computer sleep deprived with Counter Strike minimized & ready to go. I was in my zone. Now I just log onto Facebook and my newsfeed is just full of screenshots of weird things and a message like “this dog took a shit on this girl’s head. But her response will AMAZE you” and that’s no substitute at all. Fuck. I better go drink a $10 Balmain pale ale at a small bar to get over this (Although it is pretty much my favourite beer). The quarter life crisis is the one that always gets you.


– Lonely Kids Club

Travelling with Warwick


I’m not great at travelling. I went out to dinner in boston and came back to the realization that I’ve completely forgotten my room number. Unfortunately I took it upon myself to get drunk at dinner so I decided the best solution was to try scan my card through every door. This was a 5 level hotel though. So after looking like a dodgy as fuck dude trying to sneak into rooms I eventually go back to reception and explain I’ve forgotten my room number. Everyone around me looks at me like I just took a shit on the lobby floor or something. They tell me my room number, I head back up and it doesn’t work. So I head down explaining this and they then re-activate my card. So I head up, scan in and chill on my bed. Sweet. So, you know, I was finally chillaxing and thought now would be a good time to take advantage of the hotel moisture cream selection or whatever. So I go about my business on the bed, finish up, then head back to the bathroom to wash up. Then I notice something weird about my suitcases. And by that I mean I notice that they’re not mine. Oh fuck. I’ve made a terrible mistake. This is definitely not my room. So I’m naked and freaking the fuck out at this point, and get changed, clean up what I can and leg it back to the lobby and purposely talk to another attendant about checking my room number. She gives me a totally different room number. So I get the card re-activated again, head to bed, and then check out as fast as humanly possible the next day. But by that I mean before 11AM for once. I suck at travelling.


– Lonely Kids Club



So I had a pretty awks situation arise the other day. I was at a restaurant / bar with my friend James, and it was a great night. We had a few beers, dinner, caught up etc. Before long we were the last people left in the place and it got to the point where they were closing the cash systems up for the night so needed us to pay up. We were still enjoying conversation so just handed our cards at the table and I told the guy to split it 50/50. Anyway the guy comes back and hands us our cards / receipts underneath and I have a peek and my receipt is for $50. I’m thinking this is a bit much. I don’t think 2 meals and four beers adds up to $50 each. So I figure I’m gonna say something cos this seems suss and I ask if we can see a receipt because I think we were over-charged and the guy says yes you wanted to pay $50 each and the rest was a tip yeah? Oh hell no. I explain that “split 50/50” is a pretty common phrase for paying half each and no one ever mentioned a tip and the guy started super freaking out and kept saying they don’t usually do cash out (I have no idea what he’s talking about at this point) then in the most suss move of all time, pulls the remaining $20 out of his pocket. Oh dayum. So I take all the coins, put them in the tip jar, and explain we might go ahead and hold onto the notes. It was just a super awkward way to end the night. As soon as he took our money out of his pocket I had this flashback to when my friend came over in year three and stole all my Pokemon cards. When I called him asking about it the next day he said he was opening his jumper up and they were all falling out and he was finding them all. To his credit, his jumper falling story was probably still more plausible than this dude and his bizarre explanation into why he overcharged us then pocketed money from his own till. I think it’s important to remember in those situations that people assume they can get away with shit because confrontations are scary. But if someone’s taking advantage of you just stand up for yourself because that’s half the battle won already. It’s the worst feeling ever to back out of saying something then spending the next few days running over the situation non-stop in your head (we’ve all been there). Take it from someone who’s definitely not a naturally confrontational person.

Also hey thanks to everyone who tuned in to hear my interview on FBi last night. I managed to trash talk Joel Madden, refer to one of my own songs as a “banger” and discuss how my dog got impregnated all in the same interview. I’m pretty confident I ticked all the boxes of what makes a good guest.


– Lonely Kids Club


Also look who’s back! New drawing by Angie: