Yeah so I went to have dinner with my friend Celline the other week and she told me my face looks chubby so now I’m going to the gym again. I finally changed my exercise regime from just talking about going to the gym at least twice a week to actually going at least twice a week. It was quite a commitment. I’m also trimming my stubble more consistently now. That part was less of a commitment. My gym is really weird though. There’s always one person there who stares at me while I do my sets (It’s pretty creepy) and the on-duty trainer has this weird hair that sort of comes across like an undercut, but is too thickly gelled on top to work. Also I think he wears a children’s size shirt to look more buff. He went to grab his water bottle and he was already sporting a considerable amount of midriff. And dandruff. Also gym music is terrible. It’s like So Fresh hits mixed with generic house music beats and goofy synths. So maybe it’s just regular So Fresh hits. I don’t know. I stopped listening to So Fresh just after Coco Jumbo by Mr. President came out. That song was amazing though. The first single I ever bought was Peaches by The Presidents of the United States of America, actually. I still listen to it today. Also the first album I ever bought was by The Mighty, Mighty Bosstones. They’re totally the band playing in the party scene in Clueless. Now you know. Also clueless is probably the best word to describe how I go about doing gym routine. At least I know how to wear a shirt that doesn’t show a 90’s pop-star level amount of midriff every time I use my upper-body, though.

NOTE: Wow thanks so much for the huge response to the Winston tee everyone, it blew me away and I’m so stoked you all dig him as much as I do. <3

– Lonely Kids Club

(Scarily accurate) Drawing by Angie:

You know what’s fucking scary? Going to a party or any sort of social event by yourself. I don’t know if anyone else feels that way about shizz, but recently I’ve gotten so co-dependent that unless I have a close friend going with me I’ll get all anxious in my head about having to stand by myself without anyone to talk to. So I just end up freaking myself out and staying home watching things on my laptop and looking like a jerk to everyone who invited me in the first place. Also no one wants to be “that person” that the host takes on the role of trying to find you someone to talk to. That’s just the worst possible situation to be in, and you end up in those conversations with people who feign interest in what you’re saying while looking around constantly for anyone else to talk to. Or I’ve just been talking to people who suffer from eye spasms. Either way. Also you can only go so long pretending to text people on your phone while secretly playing games and hoping no one notices. Can we just set up some sort of buddy system where we accompany each other to events so that if you ever end up in a conversation where everyone disbands you have that “safe friend” to go to. It could be called ‘Safe Friend’. Ironically, getting a random person you don’t know to accompany you to a house party would probably put you in the least safe situation possible. My bad. Still a good idea though I think.

NOTE: I’m revealing Winton and a snazzy new tee featuring him you can only buy for 24 hours on Wednesday night on the facebook page look out for it.

– Lonely Kids Club

Drawing By Angie:

Yeah so continuing off that last story I went on a ski trip soon after to boost my shattered self-esteem and ended up meeting a girl while away who I started dating soon after we both got back. I began feeling all claustrophobic and overwhelmed by the situation pretty quickly though. This all sorta built up and resulted in me going out one night and having this whole weird experience with a Swedish girl that involved a bath and candles and overall strange vibes. I don’t even know. It was a weird time. Lets not dwell on it. Anyway so afterwards I met up with the girl I was supposed to be dating at uni and said I wanted to break up and she said me too so it all worked out perfectly. She was organizing to meet me there for the same reason. All it ever seems to take is a couple days without texting. Afterwards we met back up with my friend and his girlfriend. It turned out my friend’s girlfriend and my newly-found ex both lived in the same area so they got a bus together while my friend and I went home seperately. So anyway I’m heading home and get a text to the effect of “omg you cheated on me fuck you” from my newly-angered ex and I was like wait what. Then it hit me. For no particular reason, my friend’s girlfriend took it upon herself to tell this girl I cheated on her just to start trouble or whatever. Supposedly she said “So how did you take it that he cheated on you?” or something. We had only been dating for like 3 weeks, but I guess that’s still like 22 weeks in dog years. I really miss having a dog.

Anyway before I could do anything about it my friend already began justifying her actions to me about how it’s not her fault and these things happen. It elevated quickly. So I then called his girlfriend up wondering why this all happened and her explanation was among the lines of “she was going to find out eventually anyway” and that was it. The only thing was we didn’t actually have any mutual friends. The argument had about as much logic behind it as Barry O’Farrell’s vague attempts at tackling alcohol-related violence. Anyway it kind of worked out in that everyone got over it so I guess it’s all good. It’s insane how much drama I used to get myself into when I was younger. It’s like my life was just one giant real life MSN conversation.

– Lonely Kids Club

Okay so for better or worse the whole Lonely Kids Club thing kind of came about because I got completely shattered / heartbroken when I was 20 by a girl called Anna (her actual name but fuck her) in the most cruel way possible which left me pretty emotionally scarred until I was about 23. It did set the platform for which the Lonely Kids Club personal joke and later clothing label started though. Anyway, a year or so later I was drinking at Manning Bar at Sydney Uni (How mad detailed am I getting in this one – I don’t even know why) and this dude from my grade who never talked to me because he was cool and I was one of the kids who used to hunch over playing Magic The Gathering at lunchtime came over and said hey. I rolled with it. Anyway it was all good but then he brought up that he also dated Anna for awhile before I did. Fair enough. Then out of fucking nowhere he started talking in detail about what having sex with her was like. And I mean straight up full details. Positions, what she excelled at, what she didn’t. What she liked. It was crazy. Even what he used to finish doing each time. Truthfully I finished the exact same way and actually agreed with what he was saying, but it was still fucking creepy. Although as a validating bonus, he couldn’t compete with the time her and I did it in her car and it got a little steamy so I wrote into the back window afterwards “I BANGED ANNA HERE LAST NIGHT – WARWICK” and the car happened to be used to pick her relatives up from the airport the next morning and it all came through (it was a cold day) so she had all those awkward vibes to deal with. Haha. Good times.

– Lonely Kids Club

Drawing by Angie:

I was like 8 or 9 when i was in class doing writing skills, which is that thing where you work on your pen handling skills or whatever and the teachers pretend you’ll use them to write more elegantly when in reality you’ll probably just use the skills to draw dicks on things until youre 16 (maybe that just applies to boys) but i did a really shitty job or something that day, because I got up and took my workbook to the teacher and she was like “what is this garbage? did your dog just die” and honest to god I just burst out fucking crying like “YES! WAHHHHHH” like full-on because my dog Jonty fell off the balcony the night before and was found dead that morning. Then the teacher just had like NO fucking idea what to do because she just came across as the most heartless bitch ever so she just kept hugging me being like “OMG I’M SO SORRY” for like 5 minutes while the rest of the class just sat there in disbelief watching on. she was like so nice to me for the rest of the time I knew her I think I ended her bitchy ways so really i did the whole community a favour that day. Also how fucking strange was my childhood. I was like a round the twist character 24/7.

– Lonely Kids Club

Drawing by Angie (Look how organised I was this week):