Monthly Archives: September 2013

Biology

 

I remember before my final year 12 biology examination (we call it the HSC) my friend Nick and I snuck out and saw a band play, and then the singer lectured us about how we should have been at home studying. I think when it gets to the point that a singer has to lecture you about not working hard enough that you have a problem. Actually while I’m confessing shit I had this terrible habit of doing no work before any of my exams, and instead doing weird things like making songs on my guitar, playing on my Gameboy advance and leaving notes for myself, like “Dear Warwick, sorry you failed your exam. I just can’t be fucked. Regards, Warwick.” And such. One time, it got so bad that it was 4AM the morning of my trial exam and I hadn’t started yet, so I thought fuck it and went to my doctor and asked for a medical certificate instead. It was fine. Also for the record I lost most of my poorly recorded songs on my old computer but I played three gigs under the name The Rhinoriffic Meowosaurus with my guitar, Gary.

 

– Lonely Kids Club

 

Super arty scribble by Angie:

Soft Days, Long Nights and Tinder

 

So the other day I convinced my friend to go on a Tinder date. And bring me. It was crazy fun. He was facebook friends with the girl (The transition to get to know someone from Tinder) and said she had already asked him twice. So we decided I would come along and she could bring a friend and we could just have fun with it. It went different to how we expected. This girl had some sort of problem with her phone. The sheer awkwardness of her inability to  go 6 seconds without compulsively checking her phone was crazy. However, it became apparent 10 minutes in that she somehow didn’t know her own phone number and had to prank my friend to see it. She said she’d been using the number since the start of the year though. It was weird.

I think she was literally just on Tinder for the whole date between various bars in Kings Cross (her idea). It’s a weird logic to be on Tinder to meet new people for Tinder dates while already on a Tinder date. Mindblown. Anyway she couldn’t hold a conversation as a result. Or maybe that was just her lack of social skills I don’t know. Sometimes she just shrugged repeatedly for a several seconds and that would her answer to a question. Then she would go back to texting. I kept thinking she just really wanted to leave but then she would talk about where we are going to kick onto next. She was like a Twilight Book – completely unreadable.

At one point she showed us her phone and it had this Facebook Message on the notifications screen from someone called Max saying “Ohh youre a banker. Wouldn’t have guessed that. Sexy”. I think that was the highlight of my night. That, or when her friend then came, and screamed “FUCK OFF YOU FUCKING CUNT” at a taxi on the street infront of everyone when we left the first bar. Apparently he took too long to stop. I decided it was best I bail straight after that to meet up with friends. She was a bit of a wildcard. According to my friend after I left she decided that she was friends with everyone and kept approaching people non-stop. Apparently she legit went into a random restaurant, then walked all the way to the back of the kitchen to talk to a confused looking kitchen hand, before returning and explaining to my friend that she didn’t know him afterall. Tinder is risky business.
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– Lonely Kids Club

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Picture by Angie (Special MS Paint addition):

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Train Weirdness

 

I was on a train today drawing and this guy asked if he could borrow my sharpie and a piece of paper so I said sure why not so he took the pen, wrote something down then gave me the pen back and showed me the paper. It said on it “YOU WANT A CHEAP IPAD OR IPHONE?” and he was staring at me nodding, which is always creepy regardless of the situation. I said no thanks, so he got up and started showing everyone else on the train. Literally just showing this paper to every person sitting down. I was like why is this even happening. Who does that? Like someone is going to be like “fuck yes random dude with paper on train, I need a cheap Iphone ASAP.” I wonder if cops bust those people. Two policemen came up to my wine (but actually) I had resting on the sidewalk the other night and poured them out then one tried to aggressively suss out if it was mine for the satisfaction of it. He was so patronising too. To be fair the guy was about 5 foot 3 so picking on taller dudes was probably all the satisfaction he was getting (or giving) anytime soon. So I played completely dumb to the situation until he fucked off. But thank god for cops around to make sure no wine bottles go half-full around the Sydney streets. There was probably a fight breaking out down the road but I’m guessing they got distracted giving a giant fine to a dude smoking weed by himself in an alley not causing harm to anyone. Priorities, m8.

 

– Lonely Kids Club

 

Picture by Angie:

My mother is a crazy and she drove a Pajero

 

So my mother was a bit of a crazy person. One time we dined at a shitty pizza place for dinner and afterwards we were driving by a centrelink office and two overweight people were walking up to the door so she pulled down her window and inexplicably yelled “YEAH YEAH GO LINE UP FOR YOUR WEEKLY PAY CHEQUE YOU FAT DOLE BLUDGERS.” She was fully banging on the car under the windows and everything. I don’t even know why. It just sort of came out of nowhere. I had a lot of awkward experiences in that car. Another time when I was like 6 I was watching a kid skate by and he then just flipped me off and I was like oh ouch. I hated skaters for years afterwards. It was a legit thing. I’ve since come to like them though. They’re super chill. We can all be chill together. Max just went into my bathroom for ages and I heard a banging noise. I’m like 90% sure he’s doing bad things in there. Just wanted you all to know.

 

– Lonely Kids Club
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Picture by Angie:

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Mufti Days

 

I used to have an incredibly tumultuous relationship with mufti days back in school. I made the mistake of wearing my sports clothes to school one day in year four and forgetting it was a mufti day. For some reason this led to onslaught of pure brutality that is unrivalled with anything else. While the logical response to this should have just been “Oh I see you forgot about the mufti day” the actual response from peers ended up being more like “OMG WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU? ARE YOU, LIKE, RETARDED? KATE WANTED TO KISS YOU BUT NOT NOW YOU SCHOOL-CLOTHES WEARING DOUCHEBAG.” I was briefly ostracised from the entire school. Even my friends didn’t want anything to do with me. Are we not judged by what is under our clothes? Do we not bleed if cut. Or whatever. I don’t know. It fucking haunted me. It then happened again in high school when I accidentally wore my formal air cadets uniform to school. Urgh it was the worst. I then copped all this shit on the bus home too. Also it’s not related but one time in high school I heard this dude behind me say I had a big head, and I legit got so worked up about it that I got a haircut the same afternoon and stopped the jewfro from growing out as long again for years. Kids can be so cruel.  

NOTE: Thanks for all the nominations for the blogger awards, but unfortunately they cut it from the finals once again. One day I’ll be #fashun enough for Pedestrian.TV. One day.

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– Lonely Kids Club

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Here’s a drawing I did earlier which relates, because I wrote this on the spot again. Angie will be back next week though.

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