Monthly Archives: June 2011

Awks

 

I stumbled upon the facebook page of one of my good friends from high school and noticed he had a very similar display picture to his girlfriend (who I’ve met numerous times AND GAVE A LIFT TO) so I clicked her profile only to discover she deleted me. What a hussy. I’m a great friend to have on facebook. I get super paranoid about no one liking my status updates so try make them all witty or self-deprecating. I decided it would be my next goal to bump into her somewhere and bring this up in conversation. It then hit me that there should be a facebook app called “awks” that records people who delete you from facebook and then alerts you when they’re going to events you’re going to, so you can bring it up and be all awkward about it. That last sentence was lacking in full stops, but I took it directly from a status update. Good example of the quality of the updates. Bitch doesn’t know what she’s missing.

 

– Lonely Kids Club | Boutique T-shirt Label

 

 

Picture by Angie:

 

Bad Date


Oh man most awkward thing ever just finished a bad date with someone who was clearly more into me than I was into her (story of my LIFE obviously). At the end of the date I walked her to the bus and gave a hug, then she just sort of stood there blankly waiting for me to say something like “so I’ll see you soon” or “I’ll message you!” or anything. I decided if I did that I’d be an jerk for not following through so I’ll rather NOT promise anything and I just stood there blankly too. So we both just remained in place for like 20 seconds saying nothing. Luckily the doors were about to close and she finally got on the bus and went home. As she was getting on the bus she turned to me and in panic I did this really strange giant smiley face thing at her. I just arrived back at my place to find that she added me on Facebook. Fuck. She won after all.


– Lonely Kids Club | Boutique T-shirt Label


Picture by Angie:


The Dog


Awhile ago I applied and got an interview for a clothing store which I was pretty excited about, so I showed up looking all snazzy in my fancy white shirt and businessman pants. I went on to meet this girl called “Kylie” and go up to the next level of the complex the store was located on for coffee. This particular clothing brand is based around this stupid dog it has as its logo. So much so that Kylie just went on and on about this fucking dog for half an hour. I didn’t actually say anything. She just kept on about how the dog resembles loyalty, dignity, being hard-working etc. Afterwards she said she really liked me and wanted me to have a trial and I remember specifically that she insisted she would call me after to let me know how I did. Anyway I fucked up the trial because I got super bored stumbling around the store for two hours and didn’t make the cut. Three weeks later, however, I realised she never called me back like she promised. So while drunk I messaged her off my phone saying “Hi, Kylie! Thanks so much for letting me know how I did in the trial. It really showed all the characteristics of a dog.”. That didn’t do down so well.


– Lonely Kids Club | Boutique T-shirt Label


Picture by Angie:


Google Searches


So I’m in with the IT crowd. I know how shit works. Well I know how google analytics works, anyway. For those of you who don’t know basically it allows you to see what leads people to your website, and check your traffic flows and all that. One interesting thing it does is record the google searches that result in people visiting your website. I checked them out and because of the odd nature of this blog there are some really bizarre searches that have landed people on my page. Here are some of my favourites:


“how to kiss a fat girl in the cinema”

“i get crank in the club, get drunk in the club, pull down my”

“is kissing based on whistling skills”

“known a girl for a few years took her out on a date when is it okay to kiss her”

“say pikachu when he orgasms”

“tumblr girls say yes to boys who say no shirt”


Honestly all in all I’m just glad there are other people out there who see how saying pikachu while orgasming could be viable. It’ll catch on. One day.


– Lonely Kids Club | Boutique T-shirt Label


Picture by Angie: