I never have any money. This probably ties in well with the last post. Anyhow I decided I should do something about it, so I posted this ad on gumtree looking for some cruisey babysitting work:

Sensible babysitter available

22 year old male babysitter available. Extensive experience in looking after children and very patient.

Based in the north shore and have a car with full license.

Currently full week availability but studying part time soon for 2 days a week. Can select days based on the request of an employer.

Thanks for reading.

I didn’t think that was overtly sexual or anything, but within 10 minutes I got a reply saying the following:

“Hi,

I’m a young guy in my late 20s and would like to pay you for the pleasure of your intimate company.

Pay: $150 per hour .

Please let me know if you are interested in some fun and easy cash in hand work.”

As tempting as cash in hand work sounds, I did the only thing appropriate and responded letting him know that if he saw a photo of me the price would go up to 300. He didn’t reply.

NOTE: This blog post has some very extensive spacing going on. The only thing more extensive is my experience in looking after children apparently. Now that I think about it, that is a very creepy thing to declare in an ad aimed at impressing parents.

– Lonely Kids Club | Boutique T-shirt Label

The average time I spend in a job is a week. I get fired. A lot. When I finished high school the first job I got was in hair care. I think they hired me based purely on the assumption that I was gay. To their credit, everybody thought I was gay. Including my mother, who preoccupied herself at the time by setting me up with male nurses at her hospital. Anyway it was a pretty strange place to work. People were constantly stealing stuff. Unfortunately you aren’t actually allowed to do a whole lot about it. During one of my shifts I was standing around bored and noticed a guy stealing gel. So I thought fuck it and walked over and informed him for his hair type he’d probably be a lot better off stealing a gel with a firmer hold, and less shine. He thanked me and walked off with the superior product. I got fired the next day.

NOTE: My talented friend Chelsea is playing at the El Rocco room this Friday night in King’s Cross. If you’re into singer-songwriter stuff you should get amongst it.

– Lonely Kids Club | Boutique T-shirt Label

Picture by Angie:

A couple years ago I went on my first ski trip. It was organised by the “ski society” or whatever at the university I attended at the time. I ended up being the joke of the trip due to my inability to ski and everyone there had some weird name for me I totally forget. I also went on to date someone I met there. That was a terrible month. But anyhoo here are 5 notable moments from the trip:

1. On my first run my friend who insisted he’d help me down the slope abandoned me and I went on to knock over 6 children and get stuck in a wall.

2. I shared a lift up with a girl I met on a slope and angled my pole badly so she couldn’t sit properly and fell off.

3. On one of the big party nights I got really drunk and threw up onto this guy’s treasured vintage 1988 Nike shoes from the top bunk. Good aim.

4. While going down one of the slopes I fell over and my phone fell out my pocket. I went down the same slope again an hour later and fell over in the same spot and found my phone.

5. I got asked for the time and tried using the analogue section of my watch to answer and said “4, no 4:30, wait 5, yeah 4:15.” This became my famous quote of the trip. The time was 5:15.



– Lonely Kids Club | Boutique T-shirt Label

Picture By Angie:

So over the past few weeks I’ve received a couple emails from people asking advice for things or just sending random gibberish. I’m totally down for this sort of thing. Here are some answers:

“I have to go to a party and don’t know anyone there. What should I do?”

Ah that happened to me once. I had to go to a formal 21st and got really paranoid about being the super awkward guy standing by himself so found a bottle of wine in my cupboard I got for an ex but never gave (cow) and drank half of that. I think it was off though. I started feeling really ill and threw up in the bathroom profusely while doing up my tie. Anyway I showed up an hour late off my face and no one was the wiser. That doesn’t actually answer your question but I felt the need to tell the story.

“I fall over a lot too. Maybe we should fall over together.”

Would have been wittier if you said fall FOR each other but I’ll take that.

“Pikachu!!!”

Ages ago I decided the thing I ultimately want to do during sex is orgasm while yelling “PIKACHU”. You know the way he (it?) used to do in the TV show with all the enthusiasm of doing an electric shock or whatever, but I think any pokemon would work. Their little chants make for great climax conversation. I think I’ll drop that phrase while talking to people more. “Climax conversation”.

“What’s the first romance advice you ever got?”

Wow that’s a good question. Also weird that you say “romance advice”, I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone use that expression. When I was 11 I was on this thing called IRC which was like this global chat room and I posted a message saying “how do you know if someone has a crush on you” inquiring about a girl I fancied in class and someone responded saying “you can feel your rips crack.” I think that actually explains a lot about how I turned out.

If you have a question or just want to spam my inbox send an email to info[at]lonelykidsclub.com and you too can potentially on the blog! (As you can see I don’t post up names or emails AND correct poor grammar. I’m good like that.)

– Lonely Kids Club | Boutique T-shirt Label

Picture By Angie:

I’ve been meaning to do something new lately so I figured I’d do band interviews. But only for bands I like. So I decided to interview a band called The Milkman’s Union. I stumbled upon them on hypemachine a few months ago and have been steadily playing through their album ever since.

Where abouts in America are you guys from exactly?

We’re based in Portland, Maine. It’s okay if you’ve never heard of it. It’s a beautiful, arts-fueled, sea-side city of 70,000. You should come visit sometime.

What comes to your mind when you think of Australia?

Men at Work. Olivia Newton-John. The Crocodile Hunter. Kangaroos. Koalas. Cane Toads. Dingos. Dingos eating babies.

What’s the most awkward thing you’ve done in an intimate situation?

I was parked in an empty parking lot with a lady, a cop pulled behind the car and I ripped open my pants trying to get them up as the cop was walking up to the car. ‘Can I help you officer?’

(For purposes of avoiding specific embarrassment, we’re not going to tell you which band member this happened to).

Do you fall over in public a lot? I do.

No, not usually. You should hold onto one of your ear lobes when you walk. I hear that helps.

Have you ever stumbled upon really pornographic material on the internet and then just sort of gone with it?

What constitutes really pornographic? I’m sure the answer’s yes regardless.

Oh, and what’s on the cards for the band in the future?

We’re winding down a very busy winter and spring. We played 28 shows in February, March and April alone. We won’t be touring quite as much this summer, so we’ll be hunkering down in the studio and working on the next album. We’ve got enough material for a double-album at this point, but what exactly we’ll be unveiling next is unclear. You can definitely expect something this summer though.

https://www.themilkmansunion.com

NOTE: Big thanks to Peter, Henry and Alex. Lovely band.

– Lonely Kids Club | Boutique T-shirt Label